next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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