I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
