I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Semen is not good for contacts.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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