The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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