bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
