:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
