Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
