i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
