do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
