the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
