She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
