Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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