I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Why is there bacon in the couch?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
