i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
