If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
