I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
