There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
