Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
