my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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