so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
