I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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