I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
