Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
