i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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