I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
