I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
