I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
