weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
We talked him into tasing himself.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
