He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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