corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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