i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
