Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
