Don't make out with my wife yet
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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