You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
