when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
