Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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