His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
God, I missed his penis.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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