I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
i now understand why vodka
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
