Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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