Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
