Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize