can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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