I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
