I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
