Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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