buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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