HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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