THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
