My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize