Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Randomize
