I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
