So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
