Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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