Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
