Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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