Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
3pm strippers are depressing
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
