Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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