I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
i out mim tonsoeep
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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