The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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