apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i used baking grease as lip gloss
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize