They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
