the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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