the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
