I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
