WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
