I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
