is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
