Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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