im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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