The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
