"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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