I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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