I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
