oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
