I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
