I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize