I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
