I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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