So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
