The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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