I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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