The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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