areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Banned from zoo.
Again?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
