If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
All I want is dick and wine.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
