we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
only you would photoshop your dick
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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