so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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