I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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