It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
